And I needed female attention so why not pay attention to my mother. She had to hang on to my father’s arm every once in a while because the public needed to see this. If I had not been emotionally involved and had somehow just remained aloof then it would have been different.Though I gave her emotional security, my father gave her financially security (to a point, but much more than I could) and so she had to please him for this reason also. My parents taught me to go into any other relationship and stick my noise in where it did not belong.I would go into other marriages and start talking deeply with the woman about very personal things concerning her husband-things that were none of my business.
I wouldn’t want to live my life over again for it was painful, very painful (at one point I nearly became mentally insane).
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Then it was that my father decided to remain at home to do all of his studying. I was always complimenting her on her looks and her person, demeanor, etc. If I didn’t want to do the farm chores she would help me to get them done. This, of course, created tension with my father who was supposed to be first in her life.
I can only thank God for that decision because at this point in my life I couldn’t handle any more of the physical. She wanted this from me (she needed it from someone), and in return for this personal attention she would pay attention to my wants (not needs). The problem was that he wanted me to be with her because he knew it made her happy (he even told me this) and so for the most part I spent time with my mother and he left us alone.