Dating men shorter than you

She is one of my clients who has never dated a short man, and she has no intention to ever date one.

She insists, “I’m just not attracted to them.” Alexis is a smart woman, and she is also a nice person, even though her attitudes about short men are actually pretty patronizing and dismissive.

To opt for anything else would’ve attracted attention, and I didn’t need to stand out more than I already did.

Adhering to the height rule didn’t prove foolproof: One lanky guy I dated was small-framed and finely boned, like a gazelle or a grunge guitarist.

I didn’t need saving, yet I still wanted to like I might.

This seemed to be the norm, in life and on screen: a lady being able to gaze up at her guy, or lean on his shoulder.

All this time, she’d told herself that she didn’t like short men because she simply wasn’t sexually attracted to them; in fact, the real reason she wasn’t attracted to short men was because she had a fixed image in her mind of what a man should look and act like as a result of her upbringing, and she needed the men she seeks out romantically to fit the same exact image of the men in her family. I spend more hours than you’d believe trying to help men and women change the type of person to whom they’re sexually attracted. The first step is to dig deep and ask yourself what in your history makes you attracted to a certain type, as well as what in your history repels you from a certain type.

In my work with women, I’ve found that there are two basic reasons why most women won’t date a short man: Some women will feel nervous about being too big, telling themselves they’ll look smaller if they’re with a bigger guy; others simply want the knight in shining armor, and they need a man to live up to a fantasy image of masculinity and size, telling themselves that a bigger man is also automatically emotionally stronger, too.

When that fling ended, I reluctantly agreed to be set up with someone a whole inch shorter, but hefty.We shared barbs over barbecue, and even though he was physically different than the dudes I had been attracted to, I decided I’d see him again.But later he told our mutual friend, “She’s just too tall, man.” And that was that. We wept while watching “Billy Elliot.” We started spending nights together.At this point, it’s important to focus less on physical characteristics in order to pay more attention to who is going to be a good catch emotionally – and who will last over the long haul.When my clients start dating someone new, I couldn’t care less about what the individual looks like. Does he have a job that allows him to care of himself financially?Don’t let this kind of distorted thinking get in the way of meeting someone really great.Some of the kindest, strongest and most committed men I know are short.Then I began working at a comics magazine, where I met a kind, witty guy with whom I saw eye to eye — just not literally. But as we grew closer, I got nervous, so I put up a handy shield: our size discrepancy.It was easy, because our culture still wasn’t height-enlightened.Check out this equation: Dating Short Men = Uphill Battle. I haven’t conducted a study of my own on the subject, but I can assure you that scores of women of every type will say they simply aren’t attracted to short men.Decoded, this equation refers to the tough time many short men have trying to find a romantic partner because some women won’t date someone shorter than they are. If you push them, they will hedge a bit: “I don’t know why, I’m just not.” As a psychologist, it’s not my job or place to be mean-spirited or hurtfully blunt, but it is my job to tell it like it is in reality.

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