There are gay and bi men who date other gay and bi men in the closet, but it’s hard. I remember eating together at restaurants as “buddies.” As much as we were enjoying ourselves, there was always that fear lingering over our shoulders. Maybe we were looking in each other’s eyes too lovingly. We were afraid of being too happy — a horrible state for anyone to live in. (You probably won’t when you first come out — heads up.) The world of sex, casual or committed, opens up to you when you come out.
Suddenly, it will seem that all this great action is just there, waiting for you — it is.
And I also know how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong but to feel strong, to measure yourself at least once.” Coming out was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
Even when I became HIV-positive in college, it paled in comparison to the last two years I lived in my parents’ house.
I didn’t even know what kind of sex I wanted to have, but suddenly I was defending myself against adults armed with scripture.
Every time I go back to that house, a wet drop of fear and shame slides down the back of my throat.
Coming out means you will finally be able to flirt and cruise to your heart’s content. When you come out of the closet today, you are only able to do so because others who came before you came out of their closets in times when it was riskier and more frightening to do so.My friend, you will get through your coming out, even if it really, really sucks. You probably already know much of the lingo, as it has become popularized — “werk,” “slay,” “fierce,” “queen,” etc.Afterward, you will measure all struggles against it and tell yourself, “I got through that. I got this.” You may not realize this when you’re in the thick of it and having those hard and revealing talks, but generations of people like you are rooting for you. But coming out is the necessary first step to fully appreciating our power terms, our divas, our icons, and all the wonderful films and TV shows and power ballads and references that every gay man I know can drop with the swoosh of a fan but that would leave my parents and straight friends scratching their heads.Your LGBT family is not perfect, but it is your family. Support bi people, who often get cruelly erased from the conversation, and trans folk, who have been fighting for us perhaps longer than any other member of the acronym. “I read somewhere — and the person who wrote this was not a mountaineer but a sailor — that the sea’s only gifts are harsh blows and, occasionally, the chance to feel strong.Now, I don’t know much about the sea, but I do know that that’s the way it is here.All things considered, it wasn’t so bad, and nothing like the horror stories I’ve heard from my peers: I had a roof over my head, good food, and no one ever laid a hand on me or kicked me out. I was 16, and I remember it being incredibly painful.I was scared of myself, scared of my life ahead, scared of my parents, scared of the nightly Bible reading sessions with my dad following my coming out, and scared of the Sunday morning church service, after which our pastor would come shake my hand directly and look at me with his cold, glossy, damning eyes, knowing my truth that my parents had filled him in on in a religious panic.Without these people, the LGBT rights movement would have never gotten off the ground.These are the people you want to keep in your life, and you will be closer with them now that you are able to share with them your authentic self.There are many, many high-school kids out there in religious, homophobic homes who simply aren’t in environments where they can come out without risking being kicked out — or worse.Those kids need us, out-of-the-closet queer people. We give them hope and remind them that life gets better.