This leads to us inadvertently blocking our own success.We might think that we’ve begun with the end in mind but we don’t if we’re misappropriating our energies.If we want commitment in a loving relationship but secretly fear that we’re unworthy, that we’re going to be trapped [like a parent], that we’ll lose ourselves, our career or something else that spells too many sacrifices, or that we’re going to wind up with or like one or both of our parents, we’ll cater to the fear not what we want.Beginning with the end in mind isn’t a guarantee of what you want (especially if you’re controlling a ‘plan’).We don’t have to try harder, suffer even more or even give up altogether if the way in which we’ve been going about getting what we want hasn’t yielding the desired results.It’s nothing to do with us being not ‘good enough’ and everything to do with us being mistaken in what we think it takes to create, forge and sustain mutually fulfilling loving relationships.It’s not unusual to focus on being a good person, to work hard, to try to be as loving, understanding, accommodating as possible.
In avoiding disappointment, we end up experiencing even more of it.
We’re also prone to distraction and often have a ‘some crumbs is better than no crumbs mentality’ so even though we’re in an incompatible relationship where our emotional needs aren’t being met, we’ll stay.
We gratify the temporary and so we’ll lap up the attention, affection, acknowledgement, sex or whatever it is.
If you don’t, what you do when you date and proceed to relationships won’t have a purpose. Staying in our uncomfortable comfort zone hurts but we figure it can’t get much worse (until it does).
So many people tell me that they want a committed relationship with love, care, trust and respect. We don’t have to challenge the misunderstandings, judgements and yes, very painful and negative beliefs that we’re carrying around.