For that reason, one etiquette book noted that a gentleman should be “decidedly respectful” toward a woman’s parents, and, because the nature of courtship required an exaggeration of a person’s good qualities and a person’s manners, they were to be above reproach.Mothers, in particular, watched “with a jealous care the tendencies of their daughter’s affections.” If for some reason she found a gentleman unacceptable, the advice to the mother was to try to turn her daughter’s head by finding a more suitable person.It is the wrought iron coiled look that makes a courting candle an identifiable and unique decorative piece.
Before a gentleman could even consider courting a woman, he had to have already met her or finagled an introduction through society’s proper channels.
Rich or poor, the courting candle was used by fathers from all economic backgrounds.
It taught daughters to respect their parents' judgment.
If that proved unproductive, his only other option was to get the lady to notice him by attending places she frequented and judging for himself “without speaking to his fair conqueror, — whether his further attentions would be distasteful to her.” If his advances appeared acceptable, he could make “the first deliberate step on the Ladder of Matrimony,” by writing to the woman’s father or guardian and stating “his position in life and prospects, as well as mention his family, [and] request permission …
to visit the family as a preliminary to paying his addresses to the object of his admiration.” Parents often viewed the gentleman suitor as an interloper: Someone plucking from their well-tended garden, a flower they had tenderly reared.