No matter what tactics your partner uses, the effect is to control and intimidate you or to influence you to feel that you do not have an equal voice in the relationship." A tool for exerting control and power is the use of threats and coercion.The victim may be subject to threats that they will be left, hurt, or reported to welfare.Emotional blackmail is a term coined by psychotherapist Susan Forward, about controlling people in relationships and the theory that fear, obligation and guilt (FOG) are the transactional dynamics at play between the controller and the person being controlled.Understanding these dynamics are useful to anyone trying to extricate from the controlling behavior of another person, and deal with their own compulsions to do things that are uncomfortable, undesirable, burdensome, or self-sacrificing for others.Absolute control may be sought by any of four types of sadists: explosive, enforcing, tyrannical, or spineless sadists.The victims are at risk of anxiety, dissociation, depression, shame, low self-esteem and suicidal ideation.Controlling abusers use multiple tactics to exert power and control over their partners.
Manipulators and abusers control their victims with a range of tactics, including positive reinforcement (such as praise, flattery, ingratiation, love bombing, smiling, gifts, attention), negative reinforcement, intermittent or partial reinforcement, psychological punishment (such as nagging, silent treatment, swearing, threats, intimidation, emotional blackmail, guilt trips, inattention) and traumatic tactics (such as verbal abuse or explosive anger).
This weakens and isolates them, making it easier for the narcissist to manipulate and dominate. The model is used in many batterer intervention programs, and is known as the Duluth model.
Often the abusers are initially attentive, charming and loving, gaining the trust of the individual that will ultimately become the victim, also known as the survivor.
The abuser may threaten that they will commit suicide.
They may also coerce them to perform illegal actions or to drop charges that they may have against their abuser.