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What I thought would free me and liberate me, actually put significantly more pressure on my shoulders.

I put too much pressure on myself to totally embrace the manifesto for polyamory.

I’m going to make quite a few generalizations based on those experiences, and I guarantee you I’ll say some things that aren’t true for the polyamorous communities near you.

I’m more interested in raising awareness and starting conversations than telling people how it is.

It’s annoying, but at least when they hear that I’m bi and assume I’m non-monogamous, or hear that I’m polyamorous and assume I’m bi, they’re not wrong. In a year, I was speaking Dartanion, Chloinian, Hannahian and he was speaking Elfin, Pixie and Markian. You will never feel more liberated and in charge of yourself! When I first met Dartanion, it was electric, and within the first year we were discovering and unfolding each other like a Rubik’s cube. 'Oh, he does that when he is thinking.' 'He burps when he’s tired.' We were developing a language, working out the ways to read and translate the words between us. Within the space of six months we were already meeting new people, dating and bringing friends into our relationship. We were on different emotional linguistic journeys. I still define myself as poly, but polyamory is about keeping an open mind. Though I may be in one single relationship currently, that may not always be the case, because the integral part of polyamory – the vital thing I learned when my first relationship failed – is that patience is key.Bisexuality and polyamory play so nicely together as identities that many people assume bi erasure isn’t a problem for polyamorous bisexuals. When I read an article about There are a lot of primary couples or larger domestic units that center around connections between men and women.If you happened upon a meet-up of straight-ish polyamorous people, you probably wouldn’t be able to guess right away that they were a sexual minority group.The problem is that women’s bisexuality can unconsciously get absorbed into the larger pool of women’s heteroflexibility (I’m using that word for convenience – just because someone fits the above description doesn’t mean they identify as heteroflexible).I want to be careful here not to sound like I’m policing anyone’s identity.That’s not a problem for me, although the double standard is irritating – none of my male partners have been comfortable sharing a bed with each other.(I know plenty of polyamorous men do share beds with male metamours, but I also know that my experience is not uncommon.)There’s nothing wrong with straight women being comfortable with intimacy with other women. For the sake of anonymity, let’s call my partner Dartanion (for reasons I don’t want to justify). We thought if any couple can do it and make it work, we can. You're getting there on Duolingo, then suddenly you decide you want to learn Korean too. All exciting and brilliant and equally perfect languages in their differences, but it’s a lot for your mind to take. That is effectively what happened with us and our relationships. These feelings should have been expelled from my body by now. We were friends but the romance had simmered, and we went our separate ways. Perhaps, but jumping straight into bed with the concept of polyamory definitely sped things up. I don’t say 'the one’ anymore but my hand naturally searches for theirs, and the moment it’s there, I feel home. I have always spoken positively about the innovative ways that polyamory can shake up the power dynamics in relationships, in our attitudes towards sexuality and gender, and reformat social power structures, arguing how these shifting changes can greatly benefit women and their place in society. We took things for granted and naively overlooked hazards – not out of stupidity, but out of unawareness and youthful inexperience. With this liberal and open-minded attitude, and our opinions towards heteronormativity, sexuality and the patriarchy, the concept of non-monogamy and polyamory came to light. You should have waited 'til you were fluent in French before deciding to take on another language. After two years, we decided we loved each other but weren’t ‘in’ love anymore. Now I am in love and in a relationship with someone so kind and delicious that they make me feel like I am constantly ovulating.

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